Don’t (automatically) defend them/take their side.
Again, we’re not talking about an issue of physical protection. Not the issue here.
My story again involved one of my own. There was a “particular opportunity” where I felt my child should have been chosen. (Note: My child had the goods. The chosen child had the goods, too.)
I was ticked, and I began to assuage my child’s disappointment (and mine) by coating it with resentment and offense. When I went to bed, I wanted to lock down on my resentment and form a protective “bubble of offense” that would block the pain.
So I wrestled all night. But when I got up the next morning, the fight was over, the pain was lessened, and I knew that I was going to survive intact. If I hadn’t “fought the good fight,” a genuine friendship might have been permanently strained—one bad result.
The other bad result it would have been to instruct my child—if only by example—that the way to handle disappointment is to get angry and stay angry. The people who made the decision had the right to do so. I had to side with them, not against my child, but against my child’s temptation to fall into self-pity, be angry, or form a judgment against people who had the authority to do what they did.
Your child’s disappointment should be important to you, and your child should know that you understand how hard the situation is for them. It’s where you go from that point that will make all the difference.
Raising kids isn’t for sissies, and kids don’t raise themselves. The hardest work isn’t the hours, the fatigue, or the exasperation. It’s the internal battle to act like the grown-ups we are and become the loving examples and leaders they need.
Part two coming Friday, 9/11
Leave a Reply